Out Of The Wilderness

Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. Psalms 56:3 FEAR. I don’t think I have ever truly cried out so much to the Lord as I have here in CR. I have come to realize the further I go in my time here, how much of my life I walked by myself. And it is heartbreaking. Because even as I was saved and desired to love Jesus I didn’t truly walk with Him. In moments of weakness and doubt and worry and fear, I would flail and fall over myself and try to do it on my own. Then I would fail and not be able to do it. I would walk in condemnation and then maybe a couple days or weeks or even months later I would come crawling back fearing restoration, and God being faithful restored me. Because He is a loving Father. But He desired for me to come to Him in the first place. Because in the moments of fear He doesn’t want me to just sing veggie tales songs ( you know ... “ God is bigger than the boogie man He’s bigger than Godzilla or the monsters on tv...” ) and sing away the fear, but He wa

He has redeemed my soul in peace from the battle that was against me, For there were many against me. Psalms 55:18   He has redeemed my soul in peace. That part hit hard. It’s in peace. It isn’t a chaotic worrisome thing where I have to really really hope that He will save me. I know He will. Because He is faithful to His word. And because He loves me. Everyday He wages a war for me. Everyday He pursues me. Everyday He desires to be with me and to know me. Everyday He walks with me and redeems me and restores me as I fail and falter. And through it all I can have peace. Through it all He remains faithful and continues to guide me and lead me because I can’t do it. And I don’t have to worry. Which is hard for me, I am prone to worry. It is one of the hardest things for me to lay down, it is a place where the enemy really tries to get me, but I don’t have to. I’ve been set free from that. He is my peace, and as He redeems my souls, as He restores me. I can have peace. Even as my

Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him;  Psalms 37:7 a I have realized that I don’t know how to do this. One, I’m not patient. Two, I have a hard time resting in Him. It’s been an intense week for me. The Lord has been revealing to me how I strive and strive and don’t like to rest. Even as He calls me to. I don’t like the being still. And the problem for me isn’t not doing something because I don’t mind sitting but my mind is still going. Spiritually and mentally I don’t like rest. I grow weary often. Everyday actually. I find myself reaching a point everyday where I just can’t. And the Lord has been taking those moments this week and showing me how He desires to be my rest in that. I don’t have to strive. I don’t have to strive. I don’t have to strive. He is my perfect peace and rest. In Him I am secure and found. And I can wait patiently on Him. He is continually showing me that in my weakness He is enough. Because as much as I “ know “ that truth, and i can quote that tr

Show me Your ways, O Lord; Teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; On You I wait all the day.  Psalm 25:4-5 This has been my desire since being in Costa Rica. There has been a great desire to lean and understand truth. And a desire to go deeper in my relationship with Him. I have had this prayer for Him to show me His ways. And to teach me His truth. Because in the midst of the fire it’s what I cling to. As the days are long and the weeks seem to fly by I want to to seek Him and wait on Him. It is so easy to get caught up in the past or be way to focused on the future. I find the biggest battles to be in my mind and thoughts. Still in all of it I know He is my strong tower and refuge. Knowing that I go into battle fighting from victory because He has overcome and is with me. He is my salvation on Whom I wait. Being here has shown me how easily I can be led by things that aren’t Christ. I can be led by emotions or even my sel

But Moses said to the Lord, "Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue." Then the Lord said to him, "Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak." Exodus 4:10-12 Me too Moses. Me too. I understand his struggle in this. I understand the doubt that he had in speaking. I’ve never really felt so silly speaking or self conscious as here in Costa. I have spoken Spanish and English all my life yet I find my self fumbling over my words in my head or in actually talking all the time. It honestly has made me so afraid to speak at times. Yet He doesn’t want me to live in that fear. He has called me here for more than being shackled by something that has no place in my life. It’s crazy to me because in the verse before the Lord is doing aston