IBS 62 - PSALM 56:3

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Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.
Psalms 56:3


FEAR. I don’t think I have ever truly cried out so much to the Lord as I have here in CR. I have come to realize the further I go in my time here, how much of my life I walked by myself. And it is heartbreaking. Because even as I was saved and desired to love Jesus I didn’t truly walk with Him. In moments of weakness and doubt and worry and fear, I would flail and fall over myself and try to do it on my own. Then I would fail and not be able to do it. I would walk in condemnation and then maybe a couple days or weeks or even months later I would come crawling back fearing restoration, and God being faithful restored me. Because He is a loving Father. But He desired for me to come to Him in the first place. Because in the moments of fear He doesn’t want me to just sing veggie tales songs ( you know ... “ God is bigger than the boogie man He’s bigger than Godzilla or the monsters on tv...” ) and sing away the fear, but He wants me to draw near to Him. He wants to be my place of refuge, He wants to be resting place. The only One in whom I find comfort. Because He is the only One who will truly ever give me comfort. And here in Costa Rica there have been a lot of moments of fear, afraid of where He’s calling, fear of not understanding the call, fear of failing where He’s called. Fear of failing myself or others, fear of not knowing what the future holds, fear of circumstances or bugs or many other things, yet He has really been showing me what it means to trust Him when I am afraid. Every time I am afraid I have a choice, do I continue in this, even though I’ve been set free; or do I trust in God and let go of my fear? And a beautiful testimony of my last 7 weeks here is that’s by Gods grace I’ve chosen to trust Him more than to continue in the fear. And I can honestly say that is something I never thought I would be able to say, yet, Glory be to God, I can. He has remained faithful and steadfast and has so sweetly and patiently been teaching me what trusting Him really means. Because we can trust Him. I can trust Him. 

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